project me.

I know me.

I think I do, or lets say I try to.

There are sides to me I know not yet.

And choices made that sit my regret..

But belief and faith have led to me to apply…

To know my self…the me…the I.

Today…im 40 days over twenty two…sitting bare chest,clad in my red checkered boxers..

At 7:30 am..

on a wet Tuesday morning in Bombay..

my bad …Mumbai…

this sounds like the beginnings of a thriller

except not…

it’s a memoir..

I have no idea if memoir is the right word to use in context of what I will write…because I don’t know what I will write….neverthless it makes me sound intellectual…

I like – intellectual…

The same intellectual which I wouldn’t have spelt correctly had it not been for the spell check..

I love spell check amongst most other inventions..

which enable me cover my not so intelligent…slow to get a hang of things side..

spell check is easy..

like…

delhi girls..

don’t react so soon…

im kidding…they are anything but easy…

you kno wat..

i can gt away with this sort of short hand

as…

new age writng wher the wrter does not give a fuck about spellings or formatting or anything for that matter…

hmmm…

so im a new age writer…

also..

I just realized my piece is already rated r..

damn I have to be more carefull…I know young impressionable minds will read this some day…after I perish..

And will be lead into believing that cursing is cool…

only

..its not

Its sooopper cooolll…

I love cursing…

language no barrier…

though a mother fucker is nothing compared to a

maadddaaaarchod….

See this was the impact I was talking about…

Anyway 22 or something…I want it long..…iv always wanted a long life…I fear death..

I hate the thought..

But I wont dig deep into my morbid side …

Not so soon..

So im 40 days over twenty two..a land mark age…

im allowed to get married, make babies..

Planned ones…or accidental ones…

Im allowed to drink…in this city…not back home yet…

I hold a license…which I might not have acquired through the most legit means…

family connections help..

despite of the fact that I have nothing to do with this section of my family…

its been four years since I legally became political…though It was only last year that I first exercised my share of the universal adult franchise…before that I was a-political..mostly apathetic..

basically im at that juncture of my life where I hit the

“now you are responsible for yourself ..beta” point

I have. I know.

But much before this….the person that I am has been accounted for through my lifes journey….from my place of birth..to the next…and now..

Also, a disclaimer…

Like most people I also suffer from the infant amnesia syndrome, where you don’t have any memory of your baby years….

Thus any reference of that age and less…is what my mother has told me…its her version of our life then…

So I was born to a much in love couple of 24 and 21 in the year 1988 on the world environment day…

Im proud of this fact..though im not very sure if it was so when I came through…

Any way…

so the much in love couple did give me birth…but apparently had no money..

Remember…

My mum’s word..

So the initial years of my being were poverty stricken…

What drama…cool.

Was christened “bubbles”..

My official name came into being only after “saajan” released…which was 12 months or so..later..

My grand father..or daadu..loved salman khan’s antics in the movie…thus my name.

“aiddaan naaa aakash rakh do”

im guessing it would have been followed by thunder and lighting…and rain..

AAKASH BHATIA.

So as it turns out my presence brought some luck…my father’s business sort of took off…but only for a bit…so my first birthday was a lavish affair…

People had turned up for free booze…

Free food…

Some had got presents… most looked sooper gaudy ..it was the eighteees…

my elder sister was the happiest at the party..

I know all of this..because my mother has forced the VHS of the same on me…a hundred times… during our HAPPY FAMILY SESSIONS…

I have no recollection of the day off coarse..

Why I mention this day is bcs my mother gets this beaming smile every time she talks about this phase of our lives…she says it was good…a semi rich ..happy phase..the crest..

So it had to have a trough..

It did..

As it turns out we lost all and most in the next few years…but were blessed with an unplanned baby sister..my father had to move..

my elder sister had to move…and the father had no job…

my mother had three kids and half a job…all three of us were shared between patna and delhi…

actually I wasn’t..

as it turns out I was girlier than my sisters…

or the other reason could be that my mother chose the favorite child and decided to take care of him..

or because im a boy…

and in our land…boys are given a cookie over the girls…

hahah…

I tell my sisters the same and my balls are in danger…

but really…oooooohhhhhh im a boy…it sounds fun..

but mostly it was my high estrogen level back then.. I guess..

Cut to today…

The previously mentioned ..

not so memorable yet so remarkable phase ..

remember poor then not so poor and then poor again..

talk about short attention span

anyway so that phase has instilled in me the very notion of not taking anything as a guarantee ..

The fact that even after you earned something you have to work harder..

to own it..

Sounds fancy..but hasn’t had its application yet…

Im living off my folks..spending their money..eating their provisions…and im taking it all for granted…

So … I know….what i wish to see myself as..

Highly righteous …etc…

I will be..

Not now..

Now..

The person that I am ..is confidant but not sure ..

Very insecure..so at times over compensates..

Very funny…I like to believe..

Very charming ..

No… “not charming but endearing…”

Quoting some one…

I do things for effect…

Again quoting that same some one..

There are shallow as well as deep ends to my pool of being..

My response is a mere reaction to who or what takes a dip.

Ufff too much fancy..

I also like to love…

Iv always been in love…

From my class one love for a girl named after a river…

to today..

I cant recall a time when I was not in love..

Wait…

1,2,3,4…….

Yes always..

So people judge me for this…to which my created response is

“who says its love only if you fall once…for me every girl iv been with iv loved…even for aday..if it were..iv loved her a lot…”

to which most say..

WHAT.

And I give them the ever so- iv just confused you with a statement look…

I like my smugness..

Did I mention that I share my DOB with jackie shroff and Ayesha jhulka…

They were good in their times..

So

Like anyone else

I am ..

also…

a product of my experiences…

a plenty.

The first ten years of aakash bhatia/bubbles/akki/whatever comes to mind in that moment of love..

Came through in the city of patna..in a country called bihar…

For people in bihar …india was bihar..and bihar was india..

For a very long time I was also a follower of this faith…till clarity through geography classes fell through…

I loved my school..despite of being teased by kids and prosecuted by a new teacher every year…for the gold ring in my left ear..

I told all..

“ its religious..”

I had no clue why it was there..

All I knew..was that it got me attention from the ladies…

Mostly my class teachers..

The school was …DON BOSCO..

Much to my fancy..it was one of the better schools in patna…

Yet …I never paid heed to conversing in English…

Embarrassed myself with a

“live application”

as opposed to a..

“leave application”

which my mother signed in complete faith to my knowledge of the kings..

I was suffering from the big city in a small state phenomenon…all my immediate people were from villages…so I felt very elite…with out a clue ..that their exists…a world beyond patna..

I discovered…

Only ten years in to me..

make me a sex god then

make me a sex god then…

he said to me…

well this is my friend…

I shall write about…

have known him for a little longer than 3 years…we sure did discuss about india..the world , politics for some time..in the last three years…becs that’s what our course and them teachers seeked of us…

he fell ill..mostly intimidated ..fresh out of a boys learning institution…Jesuit by faith…but..mad horn as far as trash/thrash metal was concerned..

he was one of the first guys I befriended at college…he told me his talent got him the ever so sought after seat ..his talent..his baritone…

his sickness during the initial period got us a few laughs..but the the kid was listening and becoming…becoming what he is today…..wt is only 1 tenth of his being…

he writes…I guess… sings …I heard…draws…sure ..and is talented in most ways..most..but women…hahah..

three years saw a million years of memories..but ms word‘n them would be tooo long a task..

the big red dog..that was his namesake…was red..he wasn’t…he ..was from the beach land…” waah beach land..sahi hai tu dude” most exclaimed..

he never indulged..

he in the three years concluded..was that one person who saw me…personally..socailly…academically grow…become better…he corrected me in the languauge im expressing myself in..right now..

and I trusted him with most…

with a sense of humour partly borrowd…partly original..he got his hold…

slowly…

he came on stage..

guarded many…

killed a few…

sang to hundreds..

killed most with that too…

resonating …I guess..

but never…that person he is today..

to day he is more confident of his presence…in most avenues but the opposite sex…

I apparently know a lot in this dept. thus he comes to me for help…at times…

his superior being complex…hurdles his interactions with other lowly mortals at times …he is super self assured nonetheless…about everything…yet no collisions with the estrogen kind.. yet

Gay..

i thought he was..

for a bit…

his company at that time triggered the same…

not that im homo phobic or anything… but I blvd like most others did…

“ has he ever kissed a girl”

haha..

was the conversation starter many a times…

he hadn’t was the fact..

the big C and i..

have had talks…

about life…

and our existential word had come through too…

at most times..

i nodded bcs I thot his approval was neccerasy…

other times I was dating someone like him..with a vagina..so I didn’t have time..

he fell out for a bit…talked off me..about me..

won the image..

“the bugger gossips like a chick”

most felt…

” cant take a joke”

said i..

which was true…

he did have an amazing sens of humour…but never did he apply it to his own self…later he was more open…

three..years..germany Poland..india.. etc..intrested us both…

theater..a taste we developed…

his antics saw a famed show…in his mussel top show…I didn’t care..about it much..i was their for capacity support…filled a seat well..

he was good..

singer, check…actor,check…artist super check…and now the bugger could move too…thus dancing check…

yet…not half a girl…to my knowledge..

we have seen the C SAW..moments in our friendship…at times..i thot he was not even a frnd..at times…he was the only I had…

mostly a conversation away…he played himself..

there are many joys..in life …but none better thn…taking someones ass..on evrythng …from the head to them toes..and evrythng in between and around…

the guy knew his music…influenced my taste in art..film..music…comedy..and most things…

i…in women…

atleast…

I told him about the protocols to getting laid..or less…getting a girl..

hahah…

was that my only talent…

no really…im brilliant..i believe…

I don’t think he does..

anyway…he mingled with my kind…judged evrythng and everyone…cursed many..and ridiculed…most…

thts him…

consistent or not…I did share a lot…a lot…in fact..

and loved his presnce to my adieu at the let off…

he laughed..along with this other child ..awesome in the making.

Will thank him for- “ interesting “

And “ PYTHON”

And my vocab ..haha.

And most things to come.

PS: he is a sex god..and he is not the was…but is still the IS.

my first.

I wrote… when it rained on me….

So I woudnt talk about the day in total..the day which began with a crick in the neck..and the sore throat that im used to after a season change..

Well im Bombay..or safer Mumbai..my celluloid dreams in place…tinsel magic …mesmerizing..

Yes..all thts ok..

really ok..

nothing out of the world about looking for a place to sleep…a locality which is almost true to that hard earned family background ..that safe house, a place which does not make you feel like a destitute…

haha..they said..

well most did.. with a couple of prospective roommates..and a budget that almost made me feel like the king among them paupers.

.we finally decided on a not so modest locality…

st. john Baptist road..i was told..

woah back in my hometown..all I heard was the janak’s and the vikas’ puris christened as my residence …

much the cosmo change I wanted…

anyway..

the house being in place..

minus a bed to sleep…

yet..

much loaded with the intoxicants to get you that high before you lay low..intact…

yes..

the place was sorted..

roomates..well.i

. introduced aakash Bhatia to them..and halleluah..

i had a house mate..trusting me with all his personal’s… his life ..

well the life in this city at the least…

so did i..i trusted each one of them..i had no option but to..

only hoping that no one evesdrops..

on my conversations with my girl..

or my happy time..

or them being that klepto that I feard always..

hmm.. so almost settled the boy is

…right

except not

… so you I would like to believe..

being all posh and stuff about your area of residence along with it being monetarily easy on the ass.. means or applies you save money by taking that rail..you feared..or lets say conveniently despised..

the fact that you have that big nose with olfactory senses nothing less that that of a Rottweiler despite of a 22 year one nostril presence…

I felt bad for me..

Odour and me…not condusive..

but..tryning for a change in my lifestyle..or so quoted by the sperm donor of my existence..my father…” beta..its not easy there” I was was kicked..

anyway…I chose it…

over…..

well

over..nothing actually…

I was barely a graduate, the first divisions in my course helped me with nothing I wanted to do..except of course the opening my mind..blah blah..etc etc..

this was all I wanted..really…im a kid…

so you know the happiness of the same came..

the last day.. before I was leaving this town to go back home..to my family ..my city..my roads..broad roads..

my girl…it had been 40 days without her todate.…

seemed like love..

it is infact…love..

i know the feeling…iv felt it before..

hence..

screw all that…

im here now..i have that place I wanted…not the ever so me..kind of roomies…

but they are super nice people nonetheless…

one gave up hair..and believes that’s what his atheist quotient is…one says he is an atheist..but is evr so scared to be open…but also is…non indulgent , kind…and all the nice things…if he ever reads this…

and the last one..”I have all the bad habits in the world..

whores..i do…

tobacco I chew…

alcohol my thing…smoke…since fifteen..”

he said…

not this creatively off course..

the room..

shopped for..i would have called it my house.. but since im not paying for the entire thing..

Rs6250 ..

which is Not too much..in this geography..i feel I only deserve to call it my room..

my roomies don’t see it as reasonable..still…so says my judgementall not so poor but so cheap humored side..

…also im spoiled..so don’t judge them.

I shopped a bit..the regular stuff. The curtains..the mats..

my mum made me the haggling woman I am today..

so I was brilliant…or atleast i believed I was..

But this isn’t about everything Iv felt so far…

day 5..im enrolled to learn film making..in a college..which is apparently prestigious…and has been rated at that topnotch spot by a magazine which is also..haha…prestigious..

So this is the fifth day…and im not much a football fan..but I chose to watch the most “it will be seen by the world” kind of a match…between a south American giant…and both of Hitler’s country combined…

I supported the latter..

This in a town..that is known for drowning in its own spit…well implying that the water logging fucks the city..

Oh faill I used a curse word..

my piece is suddenly not pg 13 material…it wasn’t anyway in the first plce…

im drunk out of my mind..with the cheapest booze that is allowed..and still im not paying a buck for it…add to that a the the Indian rice dish in store for free…its like oprah heard my wish..

Anyway…waka waka a side..im not a football person..i pretend for the company and for the conversation…

So for the sake of the same I chose to come over to my best pals..

yes in my land your closest have to be called your best friend..

anyway more about all the royalty I have ..because of him later..

So for that match..in that worldcup..in that sport…in which my country is ranked lower than a nation half the size of my family…I chose the walk of a lifetime…

I took a train..slower than that snail who never won any races.. and wasn’t even featured on the hare and tortoise story..for being slow …

and patient…

and stupid..

and fucked up..

anyway..

After I got off the snails chest..

i chose to trust my feet…

mind you this story is about the rain…that was falling on my head..like the famous song…and was falling on everyone elses head too… almost drowining them..

Damn..

This city…saw a 26^th an year back..

mad scene that was..…trust me…

Anyway ..so that walk..

That walk….

Hmm… before I tell you more about it…I want to wish well for two guys…

1 who invented the head phones.

2 who invented the umbrella..

on second thoughts…the guy who wrote” so it is”

him too.. I love the song…

so this walk..

ok ,

lets see..

I ..

who hates the rains..

the monsoons…

the anything that clogs them roads..

the life..

or has prevented me from playing cricket as a kid…

hates the downpour …

still…

and guess what …he chose the same city..to make a bread..the same city

which drowned in its own garbage …a couple of years back..almost..

coming back to this walk…which could have been a normal cab ride…20 bucks or less on a normal day..

turned into.. “ the walk”

I jumped over the protective fence..

the road was empty..

so I wasn’t protecting me from much anyway…

after the first15 meters of walking…

I wasn’t carrying the god damn tape to give you a that clear measure you seek….for crying out loud..

so 15 – 20 meters down the road ..

I see the this hoard of people..

they…

my friend..

were walking on water…

hahah…

not like that crazy magician on that action channel…

these guys..the oh so modest..in their of oh so modest capacity…walked…like it was staple..

water…

that water mind you was above my knee…I had a pull on my crotch..while I took each step..to hold on to my shorts…grey to black…I had clinched my toes hard.. them toe muscles firmly placed around those slippers I stole from my cousin back home…

the spoilt me..

hope as the tattoo said…I hoped…

that I wouldn’t catch some foot disease like Achilles heel or something because this sure seemed like the Trojan war to me…the Trojan war I could have avoided had I not been stupid like paris…or even stupider with muscles like hector…or more so stupider like achillesss himself with lara croft herself..

each step under one of the best 100 rupeess iv spent…

that umbrella ..the opened umbrella..opened my mind to images…Images i could only capture in cerebral camera..

left foot..

an “omelet seller”..

ok so I don’t want to use the vernacular for the same…but pav omelet they would say..

flamed his stove..flamed it literally like it was the Olympic torch or something

and the flame burst out of the same like ..

it was..

a bomb blasting its ass off…

which..

to my deep and ever so “ I see the depth in everything “ side…

seemed like fire retaliating against the 100 mm of water downpour..

the umbrellas knocking into their own kind as if…

Acknowledging the season that OPENS their horizons..

the splash of water…from the cab… leading to a stain or two on my green t

their was much more..

but…

my abbrieated state wouldn’t permit me to articulate the same...this rain..atleast..

I survived..

i hated the rain..but I walked…only to reach to my royal friend’s humble abode… to see the Germans prevent Marradona from streaking his streets…

The joy of the clean water on my head..vis-a-vis the shower..was all the water I wanted..other than the water which diluted my alcohol for the night..

PS: I hope I have my feet tomorrow. Also…I don’t need that pedicure now.